WHAT IS GRIEF?
Grief is a normal and natural reaction to death. Love and grief are inseparable – they are yin and yang. So, when we lose those we love we experience grief. It is a normal response, and it has been a part of the human condition since the beginning of time. You can see grief in every culture. Some cultures embrace this experience more directly than others. Some, unfortunately, sweep this experience under the rug or pathologize it as an abnormality.
GRIEF IS NOT JUST AN EMOTIONAL REACTION, THOUGH. GRIEF IS AN EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL, AND INTELLECTUAL EXPERIENCE.
EMOTIONAL – It is not uncommon to feel anger, numbness, relief, uncertainty, anxiety, fear, depression, apathy, sadness, and joy as a part of the grief experience. All emotions are valid and they vary based on all sorts of circumstances. See some of the variables that influence the grief experience below.
INTELLECTUAL – We experience a range of thoughts about grief, which can include blame, the idea that we could have prevented the death, we often try to “wrap our heads” around the fact that someone is gone, we frequently try to make sense of things, we may try to make meaning, and we may think that the death and our consequential circumstances are unjust. This component also forces us to reimagine our lives and change our expectations, hopes, and plans.
SPIRITUAL – As humans, we try to understand “how” and “why” bad things happen. Often times, this is where we do our meaning making. Religion may play a role, but our understanding of our lives and the meaning of life itself is often at play here. “He was such a good person. How could this of happened to him?” or “why didn’t she ask for help?” etc.
PHYSICAL – Grief is exhausting! For adults, fatigue and feeling like you’re in a fog is not uncommon. For kids, they often experience bellyaches and headaches. Without a safe environment to express their grief, kids often bottle it all up which leads to behavioral expressions that may get a child into trouble. It is not uncommon for grief to cause people to overeat or under eat. It is also not uncommon for a grieving body to be susceptible to illness, as the immune system is often weak during intense grief.
Here are a few variables that will influence grief:
Culture
Support system
The nature of the relationship
Religion
How the person died
Comments that people make
Stigmas
And many external variables that are outside of the grieving person’s control.
Grief Support
Dealing with grief comes with many challenges, and we hope these resources help during such trying times. If you feel you need additional support while grieving your loss, please call us. We will do everything we can to assist you.
Grieving with Purpose
Grief is never something we’re ready for. There are so many feelings, thoughts, anxieties, and heartache which seem to catch us by surprise. However, when we channel those into our self-growth, amazing things can happen. Pain is typically followed by healing.
Sigmund Freud first brought up the concept of grief work in 1917, and today the idea that bereavement is purpose-driven continues. Dr. James Worden chose to see the work of bereavement as task-oriented:
1. Accepting the reality
2. Working through pain and grief
3. Adjusting to a new reality without the deceased
4. To find a connection with the deceased while moving forward in life
While these steps will not follow any particular order, your goal should be on completing each of these tasks. Every person’s path on the grieving journey is a little bit different.